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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 94
The Mafia Gazette Issue 94 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Monday 26th June 'DETROIT MADE WOMAN ON RAMPAGE ' By John Milton Detroit’s newest Made Woman, Dani-California, has already began to make her impression on the city. Unfortunately for the residents, it’s not a positive one. Friday night saw the death of BillyBathtub, known Conceptualist, and affiliate of both TMS and The Damned, at the hands of Dani. No details have been released by the Police about the death, but witnesses report that it may have been an unprovoked attack, and with it falling on Conceptualist/TMS home ground, fears of retaliation by local residents are more than justified. The very next day Conceptualist Made Man Kush was killed in jail at the hands of owardo, a Gangster from Dani’s Detroit crime family, whilst serving out a jail sentence. Coroners’ reports suggested he died with over 700 stab wounds, though many older scars also appeared in the examination, suggesting Kush had seen much violence during his many stays at penitentiaries around the country. No comment was made when the Made Woman was approached by the Gazette, other than a string of expletives directed towards New York Made Woman Rosario Porello, none of which we will print for the sake of decency. The seemingly anti-Conceptualist attitude of Dani has surprised many local residents, considering Detroit is widely known as one of the two “Conceptualist cities”, and whilst this is by no means the first time the underground New York crime syndicate has been attacked, most of the previous assaults have not been launched from residents of their own cities. A source in the local Police department let slip that Dani’s rap sheet had mysteriously disappeared recently, leaving her effectively equal to a normal upstanding citizen, and now therefore covered by the same protection as the law-abiding. Allegations of bribing ex-Captain’s have been mentioned, as well as plans that Dani apparently has made to return to the life of crime in a week or two and attempt to attain the rank known as Capo amongst the criminal element. The only quote received by the Gazette from a source close to Dani was, “I’m staying in Detroit to shove it in Hawks face…”. The identity of “Hawk” is as yet unconfirmed, along with what exactly she is shoving in his face. Whilst reports cannot be confirmed, it is strongly believed that Dani-California also placed a hit on the late Absolutely_Sexy, rumoured to be worth around $5 million dollars. She was also said to provide the ammunition for the hit. With all the death Dani is supposedly involved in, this reporter cannot help but think of the phrase "no smoke without fire", and wonder if the power of being a mafia boss has gone to the head of Detroit’s newest Made Woman. 'POLICE RAID ILLEGAL BOOZE STORES ' By Zinglebert Humptyback Prohibition laws hit new heights today as Police across the country coordinated their efforts and in total closed down 12 storage factories, 3 illegal breweries, and 27 “speakeasy”s, the name being given to underground bars by their patrons. The effort involved Police forces from nine different cities, and the raids happened within 10 minutes of each other, a feat never before achieved on a country-wide scale with such efficiency. A Police spokesman claimed that the raids have effectively crippled the illegal alcohol industry in some areas, forcing mob bosses to look to other sources of income. The reception from the public after the raids has been luke-warm at best, with prohibition still being fiercely contested by many citizens. Some say that with the trade on alcohol affected so drastically, Mob bosses may turn to selling drugs in order to keep their profits rolling in, a move that the public all agree would be far worse than the trade in alcohol itself. At the moment the prohibition argument remains political, though with such high-profile raids such as this, and the illegal alcohol market being hit so hard, this reporter can’t help but wonder how long it will be until the fight spills to the streets. It is a historical fact that when citizens are pushed to their limits, it only serves to motivate, rather than deflate, their enthusiasm for whatever cause they are following. 'WHAT’S ON THE MENU? ' The Wrigleyville Bar and Grill located in Chicago, across the street from the home of the Chicago Cubs has a very Cubs-like atmosphere. The interior is decorated with all kinds of Cubs jerseys, pennants, posters, and pretty much anything related to the baseball team. Excellent service from a well stocked bar, and good food can be expected from this establishment. I recommend especially the ribs with some cold beer, while listening to the Cubs play. 16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)~ Dallas is home to many bars and cafes, but while in town I noticed Gabriella’s Scrumptious Pasticcerie. The smell of strong Italian coffee and freshly baked pastries hit my nose as I entered the small bakery. The baked goods served here are of top quality, and the Italian coffee is some of the best out of Italy. If you are ever in Dallas and feel an urge for a croissant and a cuppa, make sure to check it out. 16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)~ Remember how mama used to make spaghetti and other delicious homemade Italian food? Relive the memories in Mama’s Spaghetti House, located in Los Angeles, owned by T1fa, and its homely environment. The menu is simple, but serves the best spaghetti in town; giant meatballs, hot red tomato sauce, and all types of pasta. Wines from all over the world lay in the cellar of this wonderful Italian restaurant, which also features a cheerful interior and good service. 16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)~ Las Vegas features some very strange people, shows, and now, watering holes. MagicalTrevorJr is the owner of this strange place, called The Red Lion and Pineapple. It houses a huge circular bar in the center of the room, with chairs located all around it. Drinks of all types can be found in the circle bar. To celebrate the opening of his bar, the owner is offering a “first drink free” deal. Go take advantage of it, this is a good place to have a good time. 'THE REAL WORD ON THE STREET ' He says, “The word on the street is… Cooter still thinks her tabloid rag is better than the Gazette. She’s wrong.” He says, “The word on the street is… Aphex’s grey is still not up to scratch.” He says, “The word on the street is… Carcass likes to decorate his house with the corpses of decapitated jelly-babies.” He says, “The word on the street is… The Dallas streaker is actually painfully shy. Baring his meat and two veg to strangers is just how he deals with it.” 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Classified ads to be sent to John Milton Kungs Speech Writing Co. Would you like to speak on the streets, yet lack the confidence for speeches? Do you want to be more known in the community? Do you have $400,000 or more of spare change? Well, if so, I can help you. Come and buy a ready-made speech. Heck, buy two! Because at my speech-writing company, we have a buy two get one half price special! Hurry while our fingers last! 16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:02, February 16, 2013 (UTC)~ You can freely deposit or withdraw any sum of money you keep with Delucci Banking & Insurance. If you pass away, then 70% of the total sum that was kept in your account will be sent to your next-of-kin. 5% interest of your total bank balance will be paid to you on a weekly basis. - Interest is only paid for an entire week on Saturdays - A PIN number will be assigned to you; it must be used to withdraw funds. It will also be used by your next-of-kin to reclaim your money in case you pass away. - If you lose your PIN number, Delucci Banking & Insurance will not accept any responsibility. -Wire transfers are available for withdrawals; however the cost of the transfer will be taken out of your account. -A full bank statement will be provided, weekly, showing withdrawals, deposits, interest earned, and costs taken for wire transfers. Contact KingBenny for further information.